Firsts and Lasts: A Carry On Fanfiction
by literarylove365
Summary: Simon and Baz romance that takes place the night of the Leavers Ball during the Epilogue of Rainbow Rowell's Carry On. Sharing some "firsts" and "lasts" upon one last night at Watford in their room.
1. Chapter 1: Hunger

Simon and Baz spend one more night together at Watford. Thanks for reading!

 **Chapter One: Hunger**

 **Simon**

Baz and I sneak away from the dance floor hand in hand. Some couples are still spinning, twirling and laughing in celebration of their post-Watford lives. Some are either subtly casting glances in our direction or blatantly staring. Either way, with Baz's hand in mind, I resolve myself to push forward through the crowd.

"Come on", Baz says, smirking as he tilts his head towards the kitchen. "I know you're not going to be satisfied until we get you some of those sandwiches."

I grin sheepishly because I _am_ starving. Seriously, Watford has excellent food, why are they skimping on the food for the Leavers Ball? Hors d'ouevres and punch? Not cutting it. When I arrived I was too anxious to eat very much, but since Baz and I finished our emotional heart to heart on the dance floor, I just realized how hungry I am.

When we reach the kitchen we push through the heavy oak doors to see if Cook Pritchard could do us the favor of a heartier meal. Since the dancing is in full swing outside and no one is paying much attention to the food anyway, the kitchen staff is winding down for the evening. Baz spots Cook Pritchard near the enormous pantry and slips away to see if she could sneak us a tray of our favorite sandwiches. A waiter zips by me with a half empty tray of vegetable skewers and I swipe one. Ok, maybe three…

Baz reappears while my mouth is still full and smiles, "Afraid you're going to starve, Snow?"

"I might!" I reply in mock defense. "Don't mess with my insatiable appetite."

Chocolate éclairs pass by. I think, _Yes, desserts can definitely come before sandwiches_ and I reach for a few éclairs.

I hand Baz an éclair and he says, "Cook Pritchard said she would be happy to put together a tray for us and she'll send them up to our room in a few minutes." He glances a little nervously towards the exit that leads to Mummers House. "I know you haven't been there in a while but it's private and I do need to finish packing my belongings. What do you think?"

Baz looks at the floor while he waits for my response.

 _Our_ room. The last time I set foot in our dormitory was months ago. After the night in the Chapel, I may have gone in there to get cleaned up after we were covered in dirt and blood. Honestly, I don't remember much. The immediate hours following the Mage's death were an absolute blur. I just know that in the days to follow, I drifted in and out of sleep at Penelope's house in their small spare bedroom. Baz had come to visit to make sure I was alright (much to the dismay of Penelope's mom) and Penelope fussed over me, but it took weeks for me to begin a somewhat normal routine again.

Although hesitant to set foot in another spot so full of my Watford memories, I do want to get away from this crowd to be alone with Baz. I wipe some chocolate from the éclairs on the sleeve of my suit and take Baz's hand so he would look up at me, "Let's go."

Baz lets out a breath and smiles as if he was afraid I would say no. As if the room carried too many memories and I wasn't emotionally ready to tackle them. Maybe he's partially right, but I need to face my emotions instead of simply hoping things will work themselves out. I was never very good at bottling up emotions anyway.

We walk out of the exit and take the well-worn, familiar path to the room we shared for years.


	2. Chapter 2: The Archway

**Chapter Two: The Archway**

 **Baz**

Simon and I don't say much as we walk back to Mummers House but it is a comfortable silence. It has been an incredibly long day. After the speech at the Chapel, the crowd of people I didn't care to talk to, the surprise of seeing Simon show up looking ridiculously handsome in his suit and his whirlwind of emotions on the dance floor, I realize how tired I am. I glance at Simon's profile as we keep walking and I feel my body relax. _Finally. We're alone._

As we reach the stone entrance on the bottom floor of Mummers House, Simon pauses.

"You alright?" I ask him.

"Yeah," he responds as he stands in the doorway with his hands tucked in the pockets of his trousers. He looks up at the building and I wonder what must be going through his mind.

"It—It's just," he stutters, "I've been through this entrance so many times. Hurrying to breakfast or rushing to class. Storming up the stairs in anger—at you mostly—or running from impending doom." He laughs softly, "I guess I just never thought there would be a time when I knew for certain I would enter this building for the last time."

He leans against the stone archway of the entrance and gazes at me intently. He looks so vulnerable in this moment. I want nothing more than to wrap him in my arms so tightly that he can feel down to his core that he is mine. That I am _choosing_ him.

I draw closer to him and I run my right hand gently through his soft blond curls and down the side of his face before I cup his cheek. "It may be the last time we will spend a night in Mummers House, but I promise you Simon Snow from this night onward our lives will be full of "firsts" rather than "lasts"."

"Yeah?" he says somewhat expectantly.

"Most certainly," I reply. I lean into him for a kiss, pressing my hands on his shoulders to gently push him into the archway. Our kiss on the dance floor held so much promise, so many unspoken desires that it only left me wanting more. Simon wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me even closer to deepen the kiss. The world fades away while I'm kissing Simon Snow. Surrounding sounds are muffled; the only thing I can hear is his breath quicken against my lips. Then, I hear his stomach growling…

I pull back gently and laugh, "Alright, Snow. Let's get upstairs to find those sandwiches. Cook Pritchard said she would send them ahead of us."

Simon pulls himself away from the archway and starts up the stairs. "Hold on!" he exclaims as he moves up the stairs. "She's sending the food directly to our room? She will do that?"

I laugh at his excitement over just realizing that the food would be magically sent to our room. "I imagine the kitchen staff doesn't want to be short-order cooks to a host of hungry teenagers on a regular basis, but yes she is going to make the food appear directly in our room. A perk of our last night at Watford I suppose."

Simon grins as he continues up the stairs. "If only I had convinced her to magic those sour cherry scones to my bedside table every morning," he let out a whistle. "I could have had first _and_ second breakfast everyday."

I sigh and smile at him as I push open our door, "You and those damn scones."


	3. Chapter 3: A Gift

**Chapter 3: A Gift**

 **Simon**

My lips are still tingling from our kiss in the archway as we continue up the stairs. I didn't want Baz to stop kissing me. I have to admit though; hunger is my primary need at the moment. Baz pushes through the door to our room and the familiarity of it hits me like a gust of wind. Same beds, same furniture, same window, same scent. I don't know what I was expecting really. I guess I figured since so much had happened to me in the last few months that somehow our room would be different too. That there was no way something could feel this familiar and simple.

I spot the tray of food on our table and move towards it eagerly. "Yessss. All my favorites! Bacon sandwiches, ham and cheese sandwiches, roast beef sandwiches and smoked salmon. Now, we're talking. She even sent more of those éclairs!"

I kick off my shoes near the doorway and sit next to the food. As I reach for the ham and cheese, I realize I should probably tell Penelope that I don't need her to come back and get me.

 **Baz**

Simon kicked off his shoes and practically dove into the tray of food.

"Baz," he says, in between bites of his sandwich. "I should probably tell Penelope that I'm staying here tonight so she won't worry. Can you text her for me?"

"Sure."

My cell phone hasn't been blocked by magic since I returned to Watford. No idea why, but it has proven useful since Simon hasn't been here this semester. I walk towards my nightstand to pick up my phone where it was charging during the ball. I turn towards the window to text Penelope because I don't want Simon to see that my hands are slightly shaking as I text her: _Simon's staying at Watford with me tonight. Thanks for dropping him off._

Aleister Crowley, why _are_ my hands shaking? I've stayed with Simon in this room hundreds of nights, why is this any different?

I feel my heart race and know the obvious answer. Because _everything_ is different. We're alone and I feel like he wants me. I can gaze at him sleeping tonight without having to painfully lust over what I thought I could never have. I can sleep next to him in _his_ bed…

 **Simon**

Baz walks towards the window to text Penelope. I glance up and my breath catches for a moment as I study his profile against the moonlit window. _He is so breathtakingly beautiful._

He sets his phone back on the nightstand and saunters towards me. There is a basket sitting next to the tray and Baz takes a peek inside it. "Wow, talk about last night at Watford perks", he says, as he pulls out a bottle of champagne, "This is a Moët & Chandon. Not bad."

I know nothing about wine besides being able to tell if it is red, white or has bubbles in it but Baz grew up in the type of household that learns this stuff.

As I reach for another sandwich I ask Baz, "Is that even legal? Can kitchen staff give alcohol to students?"

Baz picks up a note that was lying in the basket. "Neither of us are students anymore and I was always her favorite. She sent a note that says: _Consider this your graduation gift._

 **Baz**

I held the bottle of champagne in my hand as I look over at Snow gleefully stuffing his face with sandwiches. Champagne together in our room? Well, I suppose I did tell him that our lives would be full of "firsts" from this point forward…

I set the bottle back in the basket and join Snow on the floor next to the table laden with food. After the time we have spent apart during the past few months and our conversation on the dance floor tonight, it is comforting to see him finally relax and simply gobble sandwiches in our room. Despite his feelings of inadequacy that he kept touting this evening, I suppose food can always lift his spirits.

"Bacon or roast beef?"

"What happened to the ham and cheese?" I ask.

"Gone…"

"Damn, Snow. How _do_ you manage to eat so quickly?"

He shrugged his shoulders, "Living in the home while I was growing up didn't exactly emphasize table manners. If you waited too long, the food would be gone so I always dove in first."

I pick up a fork and opt for the smoked salmon on the side of the tray. I thought about the time we had Christmas Eve dinner in my room at home and how hesitant I was to let him see my fangs show while I ate. The more times you let someone run their tongue over your teeth, the less you worry about that sort of thing.

Snow has moved on to the éclairs and he finally seems to be slowing down when it comes to the food. He eyes the bottle of champagne in the basket and reaches for it.

"I've never had champagne with you, Baz."

"Snow, I've never had a drink with you, period."

"Well, champagne seems like a pretty good place to start", he says as he pops off the cork and it flies into the wall. He ignores the glasses in the basket and just takes a deep swig from the bottle. _Typical, Snow._ Drinking fine champagne straight from the bottle. I find it incredibly sexy and wouldn't have it any other way.

I reach my hand towards the bottle, "Ok Snow, share the bubbles before they all go straight to your head."

He flashes me that classic grin, hands me the bottle and leans back with his weight on his hands. Even without the magic pulsing from him, one smile like that and I feel like he is setting me on fire from the inside out.

I know he still needs time to process everything that has changed in the last few months. He's felt so lost without his magic and that hasn't exactly put him in the mood for the types of intimate romps that have been taking place in my head more often since I've been apart from him.

I'm not going to rush him; I will simply hold hands with Simon Snow for eternity if that is what he needs from me. However, I would be lying to myself if I didn't admit that I deeply desire more than that. I take a drink of champagne and think about the nights that my mind would wander into unchartered territory that I never imagined could transform into reality. Now that we are back in our room, sitting on the floor drinking champagne, my fantasies seem at least a little closer to reality. I can tell that something feels different between us. He looks more relaxed now than he has in months.

As much as that excites me, it still makes me nervous. I need another swig of that champagne…


	4. Chapter 4: Make This One Count

**Chapter Four: Make This One Count**

 **Simon**

Baz reaches for the bottle again and shifts in front of me with his legs crossed. I've already loosened my tie at this point and managed to cover my sleeves in chocolate. Baz still looks immaculate in his suit even sitting on the floor sipping champagne straight from the bottle. His hair is slightly out of place and falling into his eyes. _Exactly the way I like it._

Now that I've had my fill of food, I stare at Baz as he takes a deep swig from the champagne bottle. He calmed me down on the dance floor tonight when I told him I didn't deserve him. I'm still not sure if I do, but I know that I _want_ him.

He looks a little nervous so I sit up and lean towards him. I can't last another minute without touching his hair.

I reach up and brush the dark, straight locks from his face and ask, "Now, what?"

Baz raises his eyebrows, "What do you mean, now what?"

"Last time walking up those stairs together. First drink of champagne. Last of the sandwiches…"

Baz smiles at my attempt at humor and rolls his eyes. "Seems like we're due for another first. What will it be Snow?"

I need to kiss him. _Now_. I gently remove the bottle from his hands, take another sip and set it back on our table. "How about I kiss you in our room?"

His expression quickly shifts from amusement to longing and he stretches out his long legs as I swing myself on top of his waist so we're sitting face to face. He looks at me like he wants to devour me…

I pull gently on his necktie until he is just a couple of inches from my face. "You assured me tonight that you're choosing _me_. Baz—I'm choosing _you_ too. As difficult as it was to enter the Watford gates tonight, there is nowhere else I would rather be than in our room right now and there is nothing else I would rather do than kiss you."

He reaches for my face like he needs me in order to continue breathing or keep his heart beating and our mouths taste like champagne.

His necktie is still in my hands and I loosen the knot while our mouths crash into each other. _Where is this heading?_ I slip my hands under his suit jacket and brush them across the top of his shoulders to slide it off. He pulls his lips away for a moment, shrugs off the jacket and lets it hit the floor. I tug off my own jacket carelessly and toss it aside. It's covered in chocolate anyway.

I'm still sitting on top of him and I move my hands from his shoulders up to the back of his neck. He tucks his face into my shoulder, leaving his neck exposed. I kiss the side of his head at his temple, and then let my lips lightly graze his ear while I feel him tense against me. _I can do even better_. I let my tongue travel along the soft, bare skin under his ear and down his neck.

"Simon," he gasps and his hands grip the sides of my waist tightly.

I lower him to the floor, grabbing his shirt collar, and feel my hips instinctively rub against his. His grey eyes blaze into my blue ones.

As I hang above him on all fours, I grin down at him, "Does this remind you of anything?"

"The first night that you kissed me in the woods and we spent the night in front of my fireplace." He shakes his head gently, "I had no idea what I was doing and I felt completely confused as to why you wanted to kiss me … but I had never been so happy."

Baz pauses with his hands still wrapped around my waist and looks up at me mischievously, "Why are we lying on the floor when there are two perfectly soft beds in this room?"

"I suppose our next dilemma is to figure out which bed to move into—mine or yours?" I lean in to kiss him again because I can't stop myself.

Baz smiles against my lips, "As many nights as I spent in this room watching you sleep and longing to be in that bed with you, I think it's only fair that you allow us to get into yours."

It takes a lot of willpower to sit up and separate my body from his. Baz rises to his feet and looks thoughtful for a moment, "Technically, I guess we did spend the night in your bed the last time you were here."

"Yeah, but I was covered in filth, paralyzed with shock, clinging to you like a child and barely remember being in here. That definitely doesn't count."

Baz turns off the lights and we take a few steps towards my bed. As I pull back the covers, he presses his body against my back, pushing me into the side of the mattress, kisses my neck and wraps his arms around my stomach. He whispers in my ear, "Then let's make this one count."


	5. Chapter 5: A Song

**Chapter Five: A Song**

 **Baz**

 _We're doing this_ , I think to myself, _we're actually doing this_. I will have him all to myself in the exact spot where I watched him for years. I push him into the mattress and whisper, "Then let's make this one count."

I keep one hand tightly wrapped around his waist and pick up my wand from the nightstand with the other. I spin the wand in a small circle and send a silencing spell towards the walls— **"Noises off"** —to block any noise from the room from making it past the doors or windows. This night is ours and I want every groan and gasp that escapes his lips to belong to me.

Simon turns around, reaches up to my neck and slowly starts to unbutton my shirt. I'm relishing the touch of his fingers grazing across my skin as his hands travel down my chest, but part of me also wants to rip his shirt to shreds.

 _Slow down, Baz_ , I tell myself. _Try to make this last._

 _Crowley, I can't help it._ I grip the front of his shirt and rip it anyway.

 **Simon**

My pulse begins to race and my breath stops as Baz rips the front of my shirt and pulls it off my shoulders. _Wow._

Bare chest to bare chest, standing forehead to forehead, the only thing left between us is our trousers. And I can feel what's happening beneath his and mine.

Until now, we've still never taken off each other's clothes, but I know that's about to change. First time to truly see each other— _all of each other_. Determination replaces my nerves and I know I'm ready for this.

Baz kisses me fiercely and leans into me so that I fall onto my bed with him on top of me. I run my hands down the sides of his body, cool to my touch, and rest them on his waistband. He pulls away for a moment, lifts his body a few inches above mine and looks down at my hands. He looks back up at me and urges me on with his eyes…

Once his trousers are gone, we're lying on our sides and my hands are gathered in the material of his boxers. _Of course, Baz's boxers are silk._ The material is even cooler to my touch than his skin. I take a deep breath and gently tug them down his legs.

Baz's hands fall to my waistband and I kiss his neck before he begins to undress me.

I don't want to feel broken anymore; I don't want to feel lost. And I want him _so_ badly.

 **Baz**

I toss Simon's boxers off the bed and let my eyes completely drink in every inch of his golden skin. He is bathed in moonlight from our window and he's captivating. Beautiful. Magical, even without his magic. And ready—for _me_.

 **Simon**

Baz's eyes are roaming over my body and I can't stop staring at him. He looks like a marble statue, every muscle perfectly carved. After a moment, our eyes meet and he leans into me for a kiss that feels different than any other. We're both so ready for this; I know it may not last longer than just a few moments…but we have to start somewhere.

 **Baz**

My body is pressing Simon into the pillows. His tongue in my mouth and the sensation of skin on skin is driving me insane. I don't know how much longer I can keep the nerves in my body from exploding. Simon senses that I'm on the edge and he lets his hands travel below my waist. I break the kiss so I can breathe and give him some room. I want to finish this looking into his eyes.

One of his hands is wrapped around me and the other is softly grazing the skin on my inner thigh. I know I'm past the point of no return and I don't try to contain the deep moan that escapes my mouth as I let the wave of pleasure crash over me. Panting, tears sting my eyes and for the first time in my life I know I truly _am_ alive.

 **Simon**

I have never felt more alive than watching Baz in this moment.

 **Baz**

When I regain my composure, I run my hands down Simon's chest until my hands are below his waist. When I take hold of him, he arches his back and I think I might possibly come undone again.

Simon's able to hold on longer than I did, but when he is ready one of his hands tightly grips the sheets; the other tangles in my hair. He screams my name as he falls apart in my hand.

"Baz," he says breathlessly, "please tell me that is the first of many times you are going to make me feel like that."

"I'm going to spend my lifetime making you feel like that, Simon."

 **Simon**

After I remember how to breathe again and Baz's head is resting on my chest, we lay in my bed for a long time letting our hands rest on each other's bare skin.

I glance around the room and notice that Baz's violin is in the corner.

"You brought your violin here from your house? You never kept your violin at school while we lived together."

Baz keeps brushing his fingers against the curve of my hip and tilts his face up to mine. "When I knew I was going to back school for one more semester without you, I needed something to help pass the time." He pushes the covers back and walks towards the corner of the room. I appreciate the view.

I prop my elbow on the pillow and rest my head in my hand. He grabs his violin and I watch him sit on the end of my bed as he lifts the violin to his chin and begins to play. Adoration consumes my soul and my eyes fill with tears as the chords of music continue to sweep across the room. Music meant for me. Because he is choosing _me_.

He finishes the song, takes a long look at me with tears in his own eyes again and sets the violin back in the corner. He crawls into bed and tucks me into his arms. A wave of exhaustion crashes over me and my eyes flutter sleepily as I curl against him.

He brushes a tear away from my face as he holds me and whispers, "I love you, Simon Snow."

I press my face into his chest and he rests his chin on top of my head. "I love you too, Baz."

We both slowly drift to sleep in my bed, a tangle of limbs and unspoken promises of a lifetime of firsts.


End file.
